X
O

And We Are All Made Of Stardust


Nonbinary Genderfluid Pansexual Feminist Who Likes to Eat Cheese and Makeout With All of the People EVAR

Home Ask Submit Archive

1 of 295

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced

Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.

(via itsgreattoseeyouagainlove)

6 hours ago with 175,160 notes

“When you’re at the pool lounging on a beach chair and some little kids are running and the lifeguard screams out “no running” do you respond “excuse, not all of us are running”? No, you don’t. The lifeguard didn’t have to specifically state who they were talking to because you’re intelligent enough to comprehend that the comment wasn’t being directed at you.”

Found a quote that shuts down that “not all men” argument pretty well. (via mykicks)

AHaha. haaaa. hh.

(via thefeministbookclub)

6 hours ago with 45,694 notes

sassy-spoon:

When friend is clearly upset but they don’t wanna talk about it but you wanna help but don’t know how and you just kinda

image

I’m the clearly upset one in my friend circle right now D:

7 hours ago with 119,400 notes

For those who don’t understand social anxiety:

-It is not cute

-It is hell

-Want to order pizza? Too fucking bad

-Want to go to a party? Be prepared to want to leave after 5 seconds

-Need to ask a salesperson for a different size? Guess you’re not getting it

-Hungry but it’s crowded in the restaurant? No food for you

-Social anxiety SUCKS

-It keeps you from doing things you want to do

-It makes you feel like shit

-Stop romanticizing it

-Social anxiety is absolute HELL

7 hours ago with 82,622 notes

I keep seeing all these videos of things like, “If Guy Friends Acted Like Girl Friends” or the reverse. 
I’ve started to enjoy imagining, “If Non-Binary Friends Acted Like Cis Friends”

"What do you MEAN you’re questioning your gender? YOU HAVE A VAGINA!"

7 hours ago with 0 notes

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (via deliriousdaylight)

2 days ago with 5,870 notes

Reminder: You are under no obligation to look pretty.

cheeky-geek-m0nkey:

fandomsandfeminism:

Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others.

Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman. 

That last line. Wow.

2 days ago with 50,569 notes

bisexualpiratequeen:

I’m trying hard to live by Cat Principles.

1- I am glorious above all things
2- Eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, play when bored
3- Affection is given and received on my terms and only mine
4- Show displeasure clearly.
5- NO
6- Demand the things you want. If they aren’t given, demand them again, but louder this time.
7- If you are touched when you don’t want to be, say so. If they continue to touch you, make them bleed.

2 days ago with 109,351 notes

theconsultingdramaqueen:

anfonymackie:

fuckrealityihaveablog:

What if Charlie Weasley is asexual? Like what if when his brothers were going through puberty and getting crushes on girls and just obsessing over them, Charlie was just like, “Guys. DRAGONS.”

J.K. Rowling confirms it here.

I tried to just scroll past this but wound up watching the entire documentary. And then a second one. 

Thanks, tumblr. 

2 days ago with 124,862 notes

masturbraiding:

Do you ever catch yourself thinking rude things about someone or judging them and you’re like “hey stop that, that’s not nice don’t u do that”

Yes and it makes me feel simultaneously bad and proud of my progress. 

6 days ago with 138,594 notes

kobetyrant:

the word “hoe” gets thrown around way too loosely I did not religiously suck dick to share that title with you virgins running a porn blog

6 days ago with 18,434 notes

majiinboo:

  • Do not forget Michael Brown
  • Do not forget how the media dehumanized him and tried to justify his murder
  • Do not forget how peaceful protests were painted as savage riots
  • Do not forget police armed with military grade weapons terrorized and arrested black civilians
  • Do not forget Darren Wilson being awarded over $400,000 in fundraiser donations for murdering an unarmed black child
  • Do not forget that this system was not built to defend us, but to control us
  • Do not forget Ferguson 

6 days ago with 264,391 notes